Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The Future is Not Ours To See/ Нам не дано видеть будущее...

Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future is not ours to see...
Que Sera, Sera

For a long time over the last 10 years I've been considering myself unlucky, unhappy and even damned...

I've definitely lost so much more than I've gained.

I've definitely cried more than I've laughed.

I've definitely felt miserable more than I've felt happy.

I've definitely had more unplanned events in my life than planned ones.

My life today, at almost 35 years old, is definitely not what I expected it to be 20 years ago. Why 20 years? - Because in my soul, I still feel like I am 15. That age of 15 was like a breaking point for my personality. It was then that I realized who I was and what Iwas supposed to be. I don't believe that anything in life changes our personality us a lot. We get our character at birth and we are stuck with it till we die.

Since the age of 15 I finished school and  University,  I traveled to 15 countries and learned 4 foreign languages, I had 2 marriages and one divorce. I had two pregnancies and one child, and my only child was hurt at birth which gave him cerebral palsy.

You know already, I don't care about physical signs of aging (wrinkles and stuff). But I do care about the aging of my soul. I am still that person I was back at 15, but my soul was aged by the tragedies of my life. That is not something I expected back when I was 15.

I thought that at 35, my parents would both still be alive, living happily with children being already out of the nest, happily settled in their lives. But instead, my father died when I was 29...

I thought that at 35, me and my younger sister would have matured and settled in our separate lives, making us best friends and the closest people in the world. But instead, my sister tragically died when she was 29 and I was 32...

I thought that at 35, I would have a big family with 3 kids and would be done having kids which is a good thing to do while you are young and healthy. But instead, I only have 1 son and hardly have any health or time for more...

I though that at 35, I would have a career being a famous lawyer or head of legal department at a firm, or may be I'd have my own firm... I NEVER-NEVER-NEVER considered myself as a stay-at-home-mom or a housewife-type of person!  Instead ... you know.

So, all of the above proves the point which I put in the title of this post.

The Future is Not Ours To See...

When I was 15, I believed that the future was in my hands. I thought I was the one to create it. All I needed was a good education, a good job, a good husband and a good health, right?

Now I am almost 35, and I've got education, I did have 2 amazing jobs with promising growth opportunities, I've got a great husband and did once have a good health. But NONE of those led me to where I am now! I do appreciate all those things, I DO and wouldn't ever change anything about these! But the future?


Which to me means: do not do anything for the future, do it for today. Do it for the sake of this beautiful day that's already here for you. Why fear, why worry about something that might not even happen at all?

Do what you HAVE to do, get that education, travel around the world, find a great husband. Just dont't think about the future and don't expect anything from it.

P.S. What WAS this post? A mid life crisis or something? Oh, it is the 29th of February, I know!

Que Sera, Sera
Будет то, что будет.

Нам не дано увидеть будущее.

Прекрасные слова, не правда ли? Случайно услышала эту старую-старую песню, и ее слова буквально пронзили меня в самое сердце! Они застряли в моей голове, заставили меня думать об их смысле и, в конце концов , меня осенило: это - идеальный жизненный девиз для меня!

А я то думала, я кем-то проклята. Я думала, меня сглазили. Я думала, я - самый невезучий человек на свете!

Возьмем последние 20 лет.

Трагедий в них было больше, чем счастья.

Слез в них было больше, чем смеха. 

Потерь было больше, чем приобретений.

20 лет назад. Мне было (почти) 15, и я думала, что мое будущее - в моих руках. Нужно просто стремиться, трудиться, мечтать.

За эти 20 лет я закончила школу и университет, выучила 4 иностранных языка, посетила 15 стран, пережила 2 свадьбы и один развод, две беременности и одни роды...

Не так я представляла себе свою жизнь почти в 35.

Я представляла себе, что, когда мне будет 35, мои родители оба будут все еще живы, и успеют насладиться жизнью вдвоем, когда дети уже выросли и устроились. Но вместо этого, мой папа умер, когда мне было 29...

Я представляла себе, что, когда мне будет 35, мы с моей младшей сестрой, будучи уже устроенными и состоявшимися сами по себе, станем лучшими подругами и самыми близкими людьми на свете. Вместо этого, моя сестра трагически погибла, когда ей было 29, а мне 32...

Я представляла себе, что, когда мне будет 35, у меня будет большая семья, трое детей, и, собственно, к 35 я уже планировала завязать с этим делом - неплохая идея, не правда ли? Вместо этого, у меня пока один ребенок, и я уже не знаю, есть ли у меня время и здоровье на большее...

Я представляла себе, что к 35 у меня будет сногсшибательная юридическая карьера, видела себя начальником юридического отдела, или даже хозяйкой собственной фирмы... Но  я уж точно, ТОЧНО НЕ видела себя в роли домохозяйки или мамы, сидящей дома с ребенком. 

Когда мне было 15, я думала, что нужно получить хорошее образование, найти хорошего мужа, хорошую работу, и "светлое будущее" в моих руках.

Вот только...


P.S.И что это было? Кризис среднего возраста? Или 29 февраля?


  1. Gostei do post interessante

  2. Beautiful story from a lovely soul. Be assured in the knowledge that we've all had some tale of mishap, misfortune, etc. I know I most certainly have. How we handle that diversity, however, shapes us into the person we're destined to become. And then, guess what? The past will be looked on as a lesson of life while we're basking in the sunshine of happiness. Keep doing your lovely thing beautiful lady. Its so great to get to know you.


  3. So wonderful story!!!!! GREAT! <3


  4. Olga I'm moved by your story and thank you for sharing it with your readers. You have been through an awful lot and reading your blog I hadn't had a clue so far. You are young (I'm your same age) and can do something to make yourself happier. Can you? Write a book, you have so much to say and to teach... A huge hug.
    Baci, Valeria - Coco et La vie en rose NEW POST

  5. great story !!


  6. Wow! This is a beautiful story.
    Morgan | www.justmorgs.com